Community: Real Life

Fools rush in


Tasha Mathur

Tasha, 19, loves to argue her point of view and has an opinion on everything. She's aiming for a career in journalism and listens to music all day long.

Tasha resents marriage being used to measure success.

As I get nearer to finishing university, I become more aware of the pressure to marry. I hear the same line at every wedding: "who's next in line?" Why does it feel like our lives are building up to marriage? Is it only then we'll feel like we've accomplished everything? Those who don't marry are thought of as different.

The concept of marriage is rapidly becoming outdated, so why is the pressure to get wed still so strong? Maybe the reason why so many marriages are unsuccessful these days is because we're pressured into it and end up doing it for the wrong reasons.

Firstly, there's family pressure. A lot of people are taught that marriage is a rite of passage, a given thing. They don't question it, but instead assume that everyone has to do it. So loads of people end up settling for someone because they think it's the right thing to do. But what about marrying someone you love and want to be with?

There's also the social pressure. Why does it feel like everyone is expected to find the one person they want to spend the rest of their lives with by the time they reach 30? Is time running out? Post-30 most people seem to be married. Is it because it is the most convenient time for them or because everyone expects it? An unmarried woman of 40 is considered an outcast with people whispering: "there must be something wrong" behind her back. I get the impression that people don't want to be 'left on the shelf' so they search desperately for the right person to marry then settle for any person to marry. People become less fussy as they grow older. I say we should never settle, no matter how long it takes! It's important to find the right person. I know quite a few people who just went and married the person they were with when they felt it was the right time to marry. It makes you wonder was that really who they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with?

"I meet so many students who come to university expecting to find their future spouse. Was I wrong in assuming the purpose of university was to set out a good foundation to build your future career upon?"

I meet so many students who come to university expecting to find their future spouse. Was I wrong in assuming the purpose of university was to set out a good foundation to build your future career upon? I know that's why I'm there. But it seems that a lot of people are there with the intention of securing their married life, with many getting hitched straight after university. Why rush? Enjoy life and be independent!

I want to finish university, make sure I get a great job and succeed as much as possible before I even think about settling down. I think people lose a lot when they tie the knot. Family life can take over no matter how much people try to avoid it. I think it's only fair we should do as much as we want beforehand without constantly being asked if there's someone in our life.

Ultimately we shouldn't settle for just anyone. If we stop worrying so much about what others think, then we can enjoy our lives to the fullest and spend our time carefully looking for the right person. It's a big decision and we should marry when we feel ready to, not when everyone else feels it's the right time.

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Updated: 03/06/2009


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