Community: Real Life

Londonphiles

Currently suffering a mid-twenties life crisis, Sophia should not be approached unless you're armed with a keg of beer and a bag of lardy chips.She edits a website in London and would be happy writing gubbins for the rest of her life as a living.

Sophia Wong is sick of all the wierdos who think that London is the centre of the universe. She thinks that these deluded cases need putting in their place. Go girl.

How many Londoners does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They hold the bulb up and the world revolves round them.

Before any of you come after me with planks of wood with nails in them, this isn't a dig at all Londoners. One: I live in London, and two, I think it's unhealthy to pick fights with collectives of over 6 million people.

This is a rant about a certain breed of Londoner, the Londonphile. I hold these people responsible for my nightly teeth grinding (the drooling and snoring are my own problems).

The odious Londonphile can't bear to leave the capital. On trains coming into London they'll be the people who exclaim, "Thank Goodness! Back to civilisation". At the same time they'll be checking their mobiles and commenting on how they always get a better signal in the Big Smoke.

And here's another thing, they'll make a point of noting that it's a couple of degrees higher in London. Which is fine, but it's not cos we're special, it's because the Big Smoke is covered by a big Smog Duvet.

Another distinguishing feature is acting London, the London you only ever really see on TV. Where they talk very loudly in public about how they're soooo busy (but they still have time to dedicate themselves to being a full-time tosser), the number of office shags they've had (it's wrong, it's like professional incest) and throwing in the odd cockney word (which has the same function as corporate lingo, it's done to try to make others feel inferior when they don't know what it means).

Now here's the icing on the cake: most of them aren't from London. But they've moved here and fallen obsessively and psychotically in love with the place.

Well just remember, love is blind and soon they will be. Cos I'm gonna start taking them to one side and sticking my finger into their London Eye.

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Updated: 15/01/2009


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