Bringing it up
Question
I want to get closer to my boyfriend by indulging in a little extended foreplay. How should I bring this up with him?
Answer
It seems you're talking about a desire to improve the level of intimacy between you and your boyfriend, not just physically but emotionally too. It shows you want the best for this relationship, and by raising the issue sensitively there's every reason that he'll want the very same thing. Many people consider foreplay to be a warm up before the main event - and spend that time kissing, touching and caressing. With effort and invention, however, it can be as toe-curlingly rewarding as, if not better than, sex and can last for as little or as long as you like.
There are no rules about how to do it, which is why the most effective way to raise the subject is by asking him what turns him on. So long as you choose a good time when you're both alone, then pitching it like this will provide him with an opportunity to express his innermost desires. If you can be a good listener, he can only do the same for you.
The key is to avoid making him feel guilty or ashamed by your desire to spice things up - and this constructive approach can only help to hot things between you for all the right reasons. Just be aware that any kind of sexual activity is not compulsory. If it's going to work for you both, at whatever stage in your relationship, it demands complete honesty, openness, trust and affection. So if you're worried how your boyfriend might respond then by all means raise the subject, just don't feel obliged to put it into practice until you feel absolutely ready.
Updated: 10/01/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
