Cyber stalker
Question
I spend a fair amount of time chatting to people online and I've made some really good friends but I recently met someone and it's all gone wrong.
This person has started stalking me under different screen names and they're constantly rude to me online. I don't have any proof that it's the same person and when I've confronted them about it they deny it. It's really horrid. How should I deal with it?
Answer
Although cyber stalking is a fairly new phenomenon, it's gradually being taken more seriously by the authorities, so there are people out there who can help.
It must feel horrible to be worried every time you log on. What this person is doing is a form of harassment or bullying and it's against the law. They're getting a kick out of causing you distress by provoking and tormenting you and they probably know it's difficult for you to find out who he is or where he's writing from.
The best way to deal with anyone who's bullying you is to ignore them, which is probably the hardest thing to do. If you think you know who is doing this, don't contact them; don't reply to any of their messages and try to show that what they're doing isn't upsetting you. Basically, try to pretend they don't exist. This will be difficult but it could be the most effective way of making them stop.
There are also a couple of other things you may want to do. Firstly, you could keep a folder of all the abusive emails and postings they send, as a record of what's happening. You could then forward the abusive emails to the internet service provider (ISP) this person is using, e.g. AOL or Yahoo. Although ISPs may not act on every complaint, the more they receive about a particular individual (with examples of abusive email) the more likely they are to close down the person's account. But be aware that whoever's doing this might just open up another account with another provider.
If ignoring this person and reporting them doesn't work, you may need to contact the police, making sure you have all your records to hand. It might also be advisable to see a solicitor. To find out who can help and what you can do, you can go to you local Citizen's Advice Bureau (CAB) for information and assistance.
For more detailed information about cyber bullying, see Bulllying Online, there is also an organisation called the Network for Surviving Stalking (NSS) who have specific information on cyber stalking.
You don't actually say if you've met this person in the real world, or if you're intending to, but it's important to remember not to give your full name, address or phone number online, and if you ever consider meeting someone offline, there are some rules you should follow.
Updated: 06/06/2011
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
