Drifting apart
Question
I have reached a huge crossroads in my life this year.
I had one really good friend and a close group of other mates, but this year I felt like he was drifting away due to going to a different college, having Saturday jobs, things like that. We kept trying to sort out why we weren't such good friends anymore then things got worse when, because I was so preoccupied with him, I drifted away from my other friends.
I was accused by my other friends of spending all my time trying to be with him and ignoring everyone else, especially since they think of him as a 'drop out'. As a result, I feel that I no longer have any friends whatsoever, because this small group doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
At times, I've been really stressed out about the problem and now I'm off to university in a few months I don't want to lose my friends forever. I feel isolated from the group, and don't feel able to commit myself to a friendship or any close relationship again. Can you help?
Answer
Given how hard this situation has hit you, it's no wonder you've been feeling so down. You're entering a turbulent time in life; one that's full of changes. If you want to mend fences you could think about talking to your friends honestly about how you've been very stressed out and preoccupied and the difference this has made in your friendships.
Sometimes this kind of honesty can really help - but much depends upon whether or not you feel you can do this. It might be that the people in this group have as many regrets as you do and talking about the situation will help you to see if this is true.
It's also worth bearing in mind that this time of your life can be very up and down. It's been particularly difficult for you, but you will come through it. Despite how hard things have been recently, you're soon going to university where there will be new opportunities to make new friends. One of the best ways of doing this is to join all the clubs and societies that seem interesting and from there start to form friendships with people who have similar interests.
Given how hard this has been for you, you might benefit from talking to someone face to face, if you'd like to you can contact Youth Access 0208 772 9900, they'll be able to put you in touch with free counselling services in your area.
Updated: 11/03/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
