Drinking buddy?
Question
I have a friend who's really annoying me a lot. Whenever he visits me he gets pissed and we end up drinking too much. His drinking seems to be getting out of hand and embarrassing so I'd like to tell him not to come over, but I never have the nerve. Do you have any advice?
Answer
From what you have said, it sounds as if your friend's behaviour has been annoying you no end. But despite how difficult you might find the situation, there are things you can do about it.
Since drinking is part of the problem then you could consider taking drinking out of the social situation. For instance, instead of meeting at your place you might want to suggest an alternative starting point, such as a cafe, coffee bar, art gallery or even a sporting event. By changing the scenery, you would be limiting the opportunity for you and your mate to get drunk.
If your friend insists on meeting at yours then there is nothing stopping you from declining. If he doesn't respect your wishes and still insists you meet up at your place, then you might want to consider taking the direct approach and telling him how you feel. He might not realise how irritated you have been by his actions. Sometimes, you've just got to spell it out, no matter how difficult or painful it seems. There might simply be no other way to get the result you are after.
If your friend's drinking has been affecting his life adversely then you might consider offering him the chance to seek help. For example, you might suggest your friend contact Drinkline, a national helpline that offers confidential support and advice to anyone worried about a friend's, or their own drinking. Their telephone number is 0800 917 8282. If you decide to phone them yourself, they might be able to offer you some helpful pointers on how to handle your friend's drinking as effectively, and diplomatically, as possible.
Being firm isn't easy, and your mate might resent it at first. But if you're really close friends and are able to communicate openly and honestly, then there is a good chance that he might understand where you're coming from. If he reacts badly then you might want to take a hard look at the friendship and decide whether or not this guy is worth your time and effort. While the truth might turn out to be painful for you, knowing exactly where you stand could be better than putting up with your mate's upsetting behaviour.
Updated: 12/04/2010
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
