Famous infatuation
Question
I'm in love with a famous actor and have been thinking about dumping my long-term boyfriend so I have more time to pursue the man of my dreams. What should I do?
Answer
It sounds as if your feelings for this particular actor are deep and far-reaching, especially if you are considering dumping your boyfriend for him. But there is also the possibility that there is more going on here than simple infatuation with a well-known celebrity.
Being in love with someone from afar, especially a famous and unattainable person, can sometimes serves to fill a void in a person's life. Perhaps the relationship with your boyfriend has lost some of its spark and zing, and lusting after this actor adds some excitement and spice to your life. Or maybe you feel as if you have outgrown your guy and are now setting your sights elsewhere. Maybe fantasising about the actor feels comfortable, or safe. Whatever the reason, unless you are willing to take an honest look at what's going on, you might not feel fulfilled or satisfied, in this relationship or in any other.
The question you might want to ask yourself is: how will having more free time actually allow you to have a genuine relationship with this actor? Perhaps you're thinking that you'll have more time to track him down, or maybe you're even planning to visit him in person. The question you might want to ask yourself, then, is: how realistic is your game plan? It's one thing to set goals in life, but if the goal is not realistic the result could be extremely disappointing for you.
It's also possible that you are setting an unreachable goal because, deep down, you know that the man of your dreams is just that - someone to dream about; a fantasy. The chances of you actually hooking up with him are extremely slim, if not impossible. Maybe pursuing him without any hope of actually getting him is enough for you. Or maybe you do think there is a very real possibility that you will get together with this man one day.
You are an adult and can pursue whomever you choose, whether he is famous or not. It might be a helpful, though, for you to examine your relationship with your boyfriend before you make a move, one way or another. If you and your boyfriend were to reconnect in some meaningful way, the actor might look less appealing. Relate offers counselling for couples and individuals and can be reached on 0300 100 1234. Perhaps a few sessions with a relationship counsellor might shed some light on this issue, and help you to get a handle on your feelings.
Alternatively, you might want to talk to a trained counsellor individually about what's going on. Youth Access can provide you with details of counselling services in your area. You can call the information line on 020 8772 9900. Another excellent resource is SupportLine, a telephone helpline providing emotional support to any person on any issue. The helpline is 01708 765 200.
Updated: 10/04/2012
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
