Fickle fiancé
Question
My fiancé upped and left me and our daughter one day. All he told me was he needed some time, then he said he wasn't happy.
I love this man more then anything and we've been together for seven years. He's all I want. What can I do to get him back? Do I still have a chance with him?
Answer
Obviously your fiancé's abrupt departure has left you with many questions that only he can answer. If he won't say any more about how he feels, then you need to think about your welfare first and work out how you and your daughter can move on.
It's a sad reality of life that not all relationships last forever. Some run a natural course, and if his feelings have changed then it's in your best interest to call it a day. For a different perspective on your situation, imagine if he came back just for your sake and you knew his heart wasn't in it.
Breaking up is never easy, of course, especially with such history between you, but if that is how the situation ends then you'll hopefully come through it feeling emotionally more experienced. Right now, you need to find a way to express the hurt and grief you're feeling in order to begin making sense of it all. Confiding in a close friend or family member could help, and your daughter might welcome a gentle chat as she might be finding it hard to cope with his absence.
If you two decide to try and make a go of things again then try not to hope that things can simply go back to the same as they were before. There were problems that led to him leaving that you two should discuss. You might also find yourself worrying that he will suddenly leave again and, if he did, the hurt might be even worse than it is now.
If it looks like you might get back together then consider contacting Relate on 08451 304016 about talking to a trained relationship counsellor. They can help identify any unresolved problems and encourage you to find a way to overcome them as a couple. For now, however, and with your daughter in mind, you need to take care of your own feelings.
No matter how low you feel at the moment, never lose sight of the fact that you will get over this, with or without your partner. It may take time, but with help from friends and family you'll learn to deal with the situation, for yourself and your daughter.
Updated: 11/03/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
