Happily ever after
Question
I can't stop thinking about the future of my relationship with my girlfriend. She's great and I love her completely, but sometimes I'll just start to think, 'so what happens now?' I just can't imagine where the relationship is going to be in the future. It would be great if I was certain she's the one and this was going to last forever but how can I tell?
Answer
All relationships grow and change over time. It's perfectly normal to have periods when you feel unsure about the future and have doubts about the relationship. Sometimes, the other person can be really irritating, or say something upsetting, or do something shocking, or just bore you, and that can make you question your feelings for them. It's getting through these difficult times as a couple that makes a strong, lasting relationship.
Most relationships are fantastic and exciting and passionate at the start. This rarely lasts. Often relationships can start settling into something more comfortable after the first 18 months or so. Lust eventually gets replaced by deep love, companionship and friendship (but don't worry, this doesn't need to kill your sex life). If your relationship doesn't seem as exciting as it did at the start, it's perfectly normal. After all, every day life would be a nightmare if you got butterflies every time your partner walked into the room, had no appetite and you wanted to spend every minute of the day together.
It would be wonderful if this relationship was 'the one' and lasted until you were old and doddery, but it might not happen. Nobody can ever tell what life will throw at them. In 10 years time, or even in one year, you might want different things. One of you might get a job in another city, or you might meet somebody else, or you might just drift apart. What's important is the here and now.
Think about whether you are happy. Can you talk to your partner? Can you be yourself? Do you feel you're being held back? Do you want the same things and have the same values? The most important thing is that you are able to communicate. I'm sure your partner has doubts sometimes too but don't make any rash decisions. Just make sure you're content and able to be yourself. Plan short-term things, like holidays, meals out or gigs. The future will take care of itself.
Updated: 07/01/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
