Maddening mistake
Question
Not so long ago I was really quite depressed. I was seeing a really lovely bloke but I was feeling so bad that I split up with him because I didn't want him to witness what I was going through. Basically, I thought I'd hurt him if I didn't split up with him.
Now I'm much better and I want him back so badly but he's seeing someone else. They seem to be on the verge of breaking up and he's been quite affectionate towards me recently. I sent him a friendly text the other day asking if he wanted to meet up sometime as friends. What do I do now?
Answer
You've been very honest in recognising your depression played a role in the break up of your relationship and hopefully, you've had an opportunity to address the issues behind the problem. If you feel you haven't or you'd like further support then you can contact the MindinfoLine on 0845 766 0163 or SANELINE on 0845 767 8000.
As for your ex, it's important you recognise he's committed to someone else right now. Whatever state their relationship is in, he needs to take responsibility for his own feelings. This means you need to try to show respect here, even though it's difficult, and give them space to work things out for better or worse. This doesn't mean you can't meet up and let him know how you feel, but you need to keep an open mind and avoid forcing him into making a decision on the spot.
If, at some point, he does decide to make the break, he'll probably still need a while to get his feelings in order. Only then can you find out if he really does share your feelings. At the very least, by keeping your distance now, he'll know you have his best interests at heart.
Updated: 12/04/2010
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
