What boys do:

1. Drunken stunts: Be it picking a fight, falling over, vomiting, getting lairy with a bloke mate of yours for talking to you, or having to be taken home early for being too sloshed, alcohol and shame always go hand in hand. 
   
2. Really bad dress sense: Or just that favourite top that is the worst thing ever made. A sneaky trip to a charity shop with the offending items or accidentally throwing them out may solve your dilemma, but if they live in shell suits, it may be grounds from dumping!
   
3. Telling everyone else about your personal stuff: Details of your sex life (she takes it where?), how you have piles, and everything else embarrassing you've ever done.
   
4. Farting/ BO: Stinking, sweating, spitting and farting, oh and leaving you alone in a restaurant for 20 minutes while they have a crap.

What girls do:

1. Mothering you in public: Wiping that bit of kebab off your face, nagging you about everything and anything, and basically being an irritating cow.
   
2. Drunken stunts: Be it picking a bitch fight, falling over, vomiting, getting lairy, flirting with your mates, crying, knicker-flashing or having to be taken home early for being too sloshed, just like with the boys, alcohol and shame always go hand in hand.
   
3. Being soppy in public: Calling you pet names in front of your friends and family, too much public affection, and telling everyone all those really 'cute' things you do that you'd hoped wouldn't go any further than just her knowing
   
4. Blabbing about your sex life: Everyone knows girls like to talk, and rather than the 'so are you getting any' of lad banter, they talk about everything size, technique and compare you with previous lovers.

Updated: 25/05/2011