The lowdown

Popular belief has it that if a man is breathing during sex then he must be having a good time. And if he ejaculates, then he must have had an "excellent" time, right?

The inside view

The fact is, men are able to fake certain aspects of lovemaking just as women can - from grunting and moaning, even ejaculating if he's sufficiently stimulated - the mechanics are reasonably easy to muster. But then it isn't always a reflection of how turned on he feels in his mind.

The embarrassing bit

So there you are, lying there in bed together swapping comments on how wonderful that was. He's ticked all the right boxes by a) smoking a cigarette b) ordering pizza c) snoring, but somehow you're not so sure this is a genuine post-sex moment. There's only one way to find out, however, and that's by asking.

The trick is in timing it right

It's down to you to judge the moment, but interrogating him after he's just rolled off you may not earn an honest answer - he's likely to be embarrassed and defensive, which is a recipe for a row. Sometimes it's better to pick a moment when you're alone together and feeling chilled, then just steer the conversation to the subject of your love life. Instead of asking if he's faking it, however, spin it so your question concerns how fulfilled he is by the sheet action you've been seeing. That way, you're giving him a chance to admit there may be room for improvement, (not to mention an opportunity for you to share your insecurity about his feelings) which are both issues you can work on together. It beats just handing him a dummy Oscar for his past performance, and demanding some kind of speech from him to justify it.

Updated: 14/10/2008